Headline: Pastor shot dead mid-sermon by disgruntled ex-deacon, who turned himself into police after the horrific murder

Problem: This headline is too long and uses lots of unnecessary words.  It does not allow the reader to skim to see if it is an article they should read.  Carroll suggests keeping headlines simple, and this headline is too complex.

Solution: Ex-deacon Guns Down Pastor During Sermon

Source: Daily Mail UK

Headline: Column: Lane Kiffin a Boy Wonder No Longer

Problem: This headline attempts to be “cute” as Carroll describes in the text.  This headline gives no indication of what the story is about.  I do not follow sports closely and other readers like myself may have a difficult time determing what the article is about.

Solution: USC Football Coach Kiffin Fired

Source: ABC News

Headline: An Infrared View of Philadelphia Is Trippy and Apocalyptic

Problem: The headline starts with “an.” The headline also uses the word “trippy” which could be considered as slang.

Solution: Apocalyptic Philadelphia Seen in Infrared View

Source: Gizmodo.com


Previous Week 2 Article Title: War Outside My Window

Revised Week 2 Article Title: Coming of Age in a Troubled Charlotte Neighborhood



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