Problem: This headline is too long and uses lots of unnecessary words. It does not allow the reader to skim to see if it is an article they should read. Carroll suggests keeping headlines simple, and this headline is too complex.
Solution: Ex-deacon Guns Down Pastor During Sermon
Source: Daily Mail UK
Problem: This headline attempts to be “cute” as Carroll describes in the text. This headline gives no indication of what the story is about. I do not follow sports closely and other readers like myself may have a difficult time determing what the article is about.
Solution: USC Football Coach Kiffin Fired
Source: ABC News
Problem: The headline starts with “an.” The headline also uses the word “trippy” which could be considered as slang.
Solution: Apocalyptic Philadelphia Seen in Infrared View
Previous Week 2 Article Title: War Outside My Window
Revised Week 2 Article Title: Coming of Age in a Troubled Charlotte Neighborhood